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Teacher Diaries: Fully Masked Edition

August 2021 marked the beginning of my ninth school year as a high school teacher, but this August felt different than previous Augusts. Usually, by the time August rolls around, I start to feel ready for school to start. I have new ideas that I want to try out. I get excited to meet my students. I plan the first few weeks of class and include new lessons that I think will be relevant and engaging. But not this year. This year, August hit, but the inspiration did not. I looked forward to the first week of school like I look forward to getting a root canal. I stepped into my classroom a few days before the first day of school, and I still felt drained from the Zoom classes that defined the school year that ended a few short months earlier. I wasn't done recovering yet. There were some beautiful moments during the 2020-2021 school year, and I am very grateful for the way our district leadership navigated, but the exhaustion of teaching through 2020 and 2021 was unlike any other exhaustion I have felt before and required more recovery than what could fit into one summer. (You can read more about the remote learning experience in the Teacher Diaries: Fully Remote Edition.)

In addition to feeling like I was still in full recovery mode from the previous school year of remote and hybrid teaching, I didn't feel like I know what to do on the first day of school. My typical first day of school plans felt thoughtless and inconsiderate. How does a teacher welcome students to their classroom when those students haven't been in a school building for 17 months due to a worldwide pandemic that is still not over? What does a teacher say to students to welcome and reassure, to acknowledge fears and feelings and experiences and pain, to create a safe place to learn after a possibly painful and traumatic school year? My go-to ice breakers and welcome back activities didn't fit anymore and I wasn't sure what to do.

The first day of school arrived and students filled my classroom. By fifth period, my own uncertainty and fear was eclipsed by the familiar feeling of interacting with students in-person. I had forgotten how much I loved being in a classroom with my students. I had forgotten about the immediate feedback from students via facial expressions (yes, even with masks on) and body language. I had forgotten about watching a class's personality develop over the first weeks of school. I had forgotten about the moments of connection with each student, whether it be by greeting them at the door or pausing by their desk during class. But by fifth period, it all came rushing back and I remembered. I remembered what I loved about being in a classroom with students.

And now, with the first two weeks of the 2021-22 school year behind me, I have a moment to breath and reflect on the past two weeks of life. I have two main takeaways from the beginning of this current school year:

  1. I love having students in my classroom. I cannot over state this. It feels so good to have humans in the seats in front of me. After 17 months of feeling like a fish out of water, I'm in my element with students in my classroom instead of online.
  2. Teaching in-person while a pandemic continues to rage is scary. I worry for my students, for their families, for faculty and staff members, for their families, and for myself and my family. I am grateful to work in a state where universal masking is mandated in schools, and I know that many fellow teachers and students are not afforded the same level of protection. But even with our mandated masking policies, I find myself wondering if we are safe in our crowded classrooms and hallways.  
I feel torn. On one hand, having students in my classroom brings me great joy, but on the other hand, having students in my classroom while a contagious virus is out of control is terrifying. While joy and fear seem to be quite opposite feelings, they are not mutually exclusive - these two emotions can and do coexist. I have accepted that my feelings about the beginning of the school year are complicated and I am simultaneously deeply delighted and deeply concerned.

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